7 Practical Ways To Silence Your Inner Critic

by emily@emilyedgeley.com | Apr 5, 2024 | Speaking Tips

For a lot of us, our inner critic can be very harsh.

In fact we talk to ourselves FAR more negatively than we’d EVER talk to others.

Am I right!? 🙋🏻♀️

For example: Would you ever say this to a good friend if they were about to give an important presentation….?

“Don’t forget what you’re going to say. Oh my god here you go… you’re going to completely stuff this up. What a joke to think you’d be good at this”

No way right? It’s essentially being a bully. 😳

But the irony is that we’re the ones doing it to ourselves.

>>> Does this resonate!!!!!????

I certainly can. This used to be me. I was highly critical of everything I would do. Not sure quite why I thought it was acceptable to be like that (as I’m unbelievably patient, understanding, encouraging and uplifting to other people), but I was.

However, over the years I’ve learned to be kinder to myself. That bully is long gone.

If you struggle with this, here’s 7 ways to eliminate negative self-talk.

1. CATCH IT

You can’t change something you aren’t even – aware of!

So the first thing you have to do is – catch what type of self-talk you have.

When you next present, notice what thoughts come up either before, during or after. Better still, write them down if you can.

Here’s a really interesting fact…

Apparently, we have around 80,000 thoughts per day. 🤯

But the frightening thing about this is that most of them are the SAME thoughts on repeat day after day!!

So what you say once is probably how you talk to yourself regularly. Ouch!

2. REFRAME IT

Once you know ‘what’ you’re saying, you can then move on to reframing it… in the moment.

You want to take that negative thought and replace it with something positive.

E.g. In the lead up to a meeting with important stakeholders, if you catch yourself thinking

“I’m not great at speaking up in these types of meetings”

You could reframe that into something like:

“If I have an idea, I’m simply going to share it”

3. USE “YOU STATEMENTS”

Research states that if you speak in the 2nd person, using “You”, instead of “I” statements, you’re far more likely to be kinder to yourself.

Interesting right!? 🤔

It makes us feel a little bit removed from ourselves.

Here’s some examples of what I mean:

You’ve got this …
You’re going to be amazing …
You know your stuff …
You’re going to nail this …
You’ve done the prep …

4. CREATE A DETOUR

If you can, write down some positive statements before-hand, so you already have these top of mind.

It will make it easier to reframe in the moment.

That’s why I call this the detour method. As it’s similar to how road-workers setup detours before they start digging a hole in the road.

PRO TIP: Having 1 short and punchy statement is more powerful than lots of longer statements. As it’s easier to remember.

5. TRULY BELIEVE IT

One of the most important aspects of any reframe is that you truly believe what you’re saying.

If you reframe something and it seems ridiculous, it won’t have much effect.

To help you believe a new re-frame, write down 5-10 reasons why it’s valid.

It will go a long way to helping you see that in fact it does have merit.

This will help you believe it yourself. Which is important, otherwise you’re just saying things for the sake of saying it! 🤪

6. SPEAK OUT LOUD

Yes, it might sound rather strange, but apparently:

>>> The loudest voice wins.

So if you can say something positive out loud, it will combat any negative voice you have inside your head.

Consider it like a real pep talk. Have fun with it too! 🥸

I laugh about it when I’m doing it. I might also look into the mirror when I’m saying something.

Ham it up if you feel too silly being serious!

7. USE YOUR OWN NAME

I remember I was running a Mindset Challenge a few years ago and someone asked me:

“Does saying your own name help?”

I’ve found it does.

E.g. Emily – You’re incredible, you’ve got this!

It’s harder to say something negative when you mention your own name.

Plus it’s easier to feel the personal connection to what you’re saying.

IN SUMMARY

So that was 7 ways to get rid of negative self-talk:

CATCH IT
REFRAME IT
USE “YOU STATEMENTS”
CREATE A DETOUR
TRULY BELIEVE IT
SPEAK OUT LOUD
SAY YOUR OWN NAME

If your inner critic is LOUD (i.e. if you have an inner ‘bully’), use these techniques to silence it.

Change the way you think and you’ll change the way you feel. 🙌

Cheers,

Emily

P.S. If this is a really challenging aspect for you and it hinders on your ability to communicate powerfully, consider joining The Powerful Presenter. It’s a Live 10-Week Group Coaching Program, which will teach you how to deliver an impactful presentation, end to end. There’s a whole module called Magnetic Mindset where we work on crushing your limiting beliefs. Plus lots of opportunities to present back to the group and get rich feedback. Everyone who does TPP comes out saying they are at least 3 x more confident presenting than before. It might also inspire you to go on and apply for that Conference Talk you’ve been wanting to give for years! Check it out here.

Hey, I’m Emily Edgeley, a Public Speaking Coach for the Tech industry. Since 2017 I’ve transformed the lives of thousands, by helping them to communicate with more power. I’ve run 300+ group coaching sessions, coached more than 250 people privately, and helped more than 100+ others give their first ever Conf talk.

I’m on a mission to help people in Tech communicate with clarity, impact, and confidence. To boost your brand, career and industry influence.